I need someone to put me to sleep .

happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times,

if one only remembers to turn on the light :)

Can I ? Can You ?

Can We

Maybe we should just let things happen by its own .

Maybe we should stop being too cautious or sensitive.

Maybe we should just look at things in a totally different way.

Sammie !

this I tell myself , every single second I feel the fear crawling back .

I had the worst day ever. August 3rd 2010.

I failed my 2nd attempt for my driving license & I was so upset , I cried like someone I loved just died . I went through the day feeling like I'm stuck in a horrible nightmare , yearning for a physical comfort. Hoping someone could save me from this horrible place . I was so in pain and sadness not just because I failed my test ,it was a mixture of everything that happened in a week's time. I was TOO homesick , TOO alone , TOO helpless & so I couldn't take the failure . No one can imagine what I am going through here in the States but me . Even if I tell you every single detail in my story , no one would understand . :)

I understand God gave me these experiences so I could grow up . Be independent & strong .

I cried so much last night till the extend that I had no more tears when I had to cry more . literally no more tears. I was in great pain . Gosh , I thought I was going insane. I din't have my goodnight sleep & I had to ring up my baby at 5a.m. my time , telling about me analyzing how did I fail my test . While talking to him , I was crying , I was shaking and I was in fear. I was confused , I can't think straight . & today , I had blardy period cramp the whole day. But , I had to still cook for myself & also for my uncle for dinner . I had to go through all these little tough times which I din't have to back home . I was totally pampered back home. When I am hungry , i did not need to worry on what to cook , what can i make, will it taste good & so on . When I'm tired , I could just go to bed & not worry about the world because I know I could depend on so many people . Everything is done for me back in Malaysia .

Is a life time experience here.

I experienced my first dog bite & thought I was getting rabbies . My pinky bleed so much .

I dislike drinking soup back home , but now I'm making soup whenever I can because I miss it so much.

I experienced many helpless moments .

I experienced frustrating moments which I had to just cool myself down & move on as soon as I can.

I experienced moments which I fall & had to pick myself up right away , even when I had a bleeding finger because I cut myself .

Life is not easy , especially when you're alone.

I learned that , we, people seriously take many , many things for granted .

I'm good today , I'm strong , and if I am going to fail once more , or gazillion times more , I am ready. Bring it on :)

& he is my superbaby . My strength :) He throws harsh remarks and comments when he has to . Even when I was crying like crazy , he tells me things I have to listen ,not things I want to listen. He tells me he's sorry when I'm ok & I know he loves me . Because , he has shown me patience beyond patience towards his crazy awesomee sammie :) & I miss him so so much.

I miss my mummy & daddy so much .They have been constantly talking to me , telling me what to do when I'm faced with issues.

& my annoying sister that I always quarrel with , she gives me virtual kisses whenever we skype.

& my brother that helps me when I needed help.

I miss my maid .

I miss my home .

I miss my lovely friends.

But hey , the making of grown up sammie is in process ! :)

HAVE NO FEAR.

LOVE .

DAMN HOMESICK.

Whenever I talk to someone back home , I feel so secure & it really,really, does feels like a dream . Right after talking to them , I feel like I'm brought straight back to reality . & for now , REALITY SUCKS SO, SO BADLY . It's getting hard to handle.

I definitely hope it gets better. ):

I am all alone in a place so far away , for once I realized what is the true meaning of being helpless. No one to depend on but yourself . GAAWDDDD. D: D: D:

This is a bad,rough,tough week.

SAMMIE.